Focus on Marriage Teleconference, part 2

Click here for the introduction and part one.

Beth Moore was the second speaker (and only woman) in the Focus on Marriage teleconference brought by Focus on the Family. Most of what I knew about Beth Moore prior to seeing her on Saturday was what I’ve read on some of the posts on this blog. After reading about her, I’ve noticed her name in other venues more, but I really didn’t know much except that she was a Christian woman who had some sort of ministry to other Christian women. Now I know why.

It really impressed me as well as my husband that when Beth Moore took the stage, she began by saying that she was used to speaking to an audience of women, so it was definitely odd to see so many men, and that she wanted to be very careful in her talk, and that she was most definitely not “lording” over the men, and she was not teaching the men, but rather she was speaking to the women, and the husbands just get to listen in. My notes are longer than my husband’s, but he did take good notes, even though she was not speaking to the men. The following is from my notes of what she said:

Eph. 5:21-33, which is of course the “marriage” and “submission” portions in the Ephesian letter — “submission” is not some sort of inequality, but rather is talking about “order” and the order of authority — somebody has to have the final say-so. Submission is a good thing, because with headship and authority comes responsibility.  If we really understood the responsibility that comes down on men as the head of the family, we would not want it.

“Union” in the original language means adhered to, glued to

How can anything so fragile, so frail, and so imperfect as human marriage be a picture of anything so glorious and divine as Christ and the church?

She and her husband were voted the least likely to succeed as a couple, and the most likely to break up the soonest. They have been married for nearly 30 years, but the early years were extremely rough; and they probably would not have made it, had she not had a baby in the first year of marriage. And she still didn’t say she was absolutely sure they would continue to make it, but “Ebenezer” — hitherto has the Lord helped us.

You can guarantee that a person with emotional baggage will attract another person with a matching set of baggage. It may be different types of “stuff” they’re carrying around from the past, but “like attracts like” in this case.

On her blog, she said there was a marriage survey in which for the most part, the respondents were couples — the comments were hidden so that others couldn’t see them, so the husbands didn’t know how the wives responded, and vice versa, but from the same marriage, the men were happier than the women. This was not because men are clueless, but because women have different expectations from men.

Many times women are infatuated with idealism — we are not satisfied with good, but reach for “great” and often overlook what we have. We want the feelings, continually, and are not satisfied with what we have.

“Submit to your own husband” — not to anyone else’s!

You cannot control your husband’s mind. That’s God’s business, not yours. Women tend to feel responsible for their husband’s spiritual lives, when the Bibles says it’s really the other way ’round.

Why can’t good just be good??? “It’s not perfect, but it’s good; and good is good, even if it’s not fantastic.” All marriages have troubles; if they don’t have troubles, it’s because they’re disconnected.

When your marriage or your man is not enough for you, Jesus is still enough.

As wives, we derive our security and identity from men who are also looking for their security nad identity — but what if we derived our security and identity from our God-derived position as the Bride of Christ? What if we saw ourselves as the ultimate visual example of Christ’s Bride on earth, rather than looking to our husbands for daily affirmation? Men are not attracted to hysterical, needy women — men are contrary, and like it when we play a little hard-to-get, and are secure in God.

Belittling and condescending does not serve us well.

There is such a thing as a good fight — for the marriage and for the spouse — not “with” but “for.” Her husband is a deer hunter, and by the end of deer season, like clockwork, they have a fight because she gets fed up with saying, “Have a good time, honey!” and insists that she come first — because it is for her marriage.

Get through it; get over it.

Sometimes people can get emotionally torn up about their past scars; but they are not just “well” — they are healed — a miracle, and an encouragement to others. Just as the people who were lame or blind that Jesus healed were miracles greater than all the people who were born “well.”

“Submission — learning to duck, so God can hit your husband.” — Tony Evans