Kathy Petersen’s Blog

The Devious Side of “One True Love”

Posted in marriage by Kathy on May 20, 2009

It sounds so innocent, doesn’t it — “One true love”; “my soulmate”; “my life partner” — who knew that it could actually be used to cause more divorces than marriages?

Let me give you my background, so that you know I’m not a bitter, angry woman who ended up on the wrong side of “true love.” I am married to my one true love, my soulmate, and my life partner. I don’t have a problem with the terms, necessarily. The problem comes in with how they might be used in a nefarious way.

Here’s the deal: every marriage, every relationship has its ups and downs, its good times and bad times. Too many people have the idea that when you’re married to your “soulmate, one true love, life partner” or whatever other term one may use, that you won’t have any problems, or that what problems you have will be mild or self-limiting; and that if you have any “real” or serious or deep problems, then that is an indication that you must not be with your “one true love.”

See how that line of thinking harms your relationship?

Instead of “my one true love” leading you to think that your relationship is worth fighting hard for, it ends up leading you to think that your relationship is either going to be always a piece of cake, or else it’s a wrong relationship, or not the “right” one. Therefore, if it’s not the “right” relationship, then there must be someone out there who is your “one true love,” and it’s better for you to let go of your current relationship, so that you can be free again and hopefully find your “real” one true love some time in the future.

But the sad reality is that if you can’t put forth enough effort to save your current relationship despite its faults (or despite the faults of your spouse), then it is entirely possible that you won’t put forth enough effort to save any future relationships with any future “soulmates” you find. [This is not to say that all relationships can be saved. But I simply cannot believe that more than 50% of all marriages should be doomed to failure, which is what current statistics show.]

So, by all means use “one true love” as long as it works to your advantage. But when it becomes a weakening force, discard it, and just work on saving your marriage.


One Response

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  1. Marilyn said, on May 21, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Very well put!

    My husband and I will be celebrating our 36th wedding anniversay the last day of this month.

    God bless you!


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